
Robin, next to my family, is the most important person in my life. I must acknowledge my radio comrades Robin Quivers, Fred Norris, and Jackie "the Joke Man" Martling. She went way beyond the call of duty and her bosses at Simon & Schuster should worship her. Judith put in ridiculously long hours, gave up many weekends while helping me out, and put a lot of faith in me as a writer, despite the fact that there wasn't a shred of evidence indicating I could write. She's a wonderful mother and professional and I don't know how she does it all. An editor's job is to push you, teach you, and to wear miniskirts with black mesh stockings, all of which Judith did so well. This book would not have happened without the guidance, wisdom, and beautiful pouty lips of my editor, Judith Regan. Ratso helped me find my "voice" on paper - whatever that means. When he called to tell me this sodomy story, I threw up. He didn't get laid once during the writing of this book and received only one blow job while sitting at his computer. Ratso worked day and night focusing me on my best material. In other words, like me, he's a disaster as a human being. He understands me and has that same sick, stupid, juvenile sense of humor. I should have fired him for insubordination.


Ratso's first job was to inform me that I'd have to write the book myself. I always assumed that as well, so I went right out and hired Larry "Ratso" Sloman. Most people assume that the author of this kind of celebrity book just hires a guy to write the book for him. Anything longer than MAD magazine has always been a problem. I had no idea I could write a book when I signed on for this project, because quite honestly, I've only read about three books in my life. Writing a book just might be the hardest thing I've ever done, besides trying to get laid in college. I thank them for their love, guidance, and understanding.ĪND MOST OF ALL, TO MY WIFE, ALISON, who stuck with me through thick and thin, who never gave a shit about material things or put any pressure on me, who let me finger her on the first date, and who loved me before I had a radio show. TO RAY AND BEN STERN, the two most giving people on the planet.

JOHN SARNO, for ridding me of back pain and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available. Manufactured in the United States of America 13579 10 8642 SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc. NEW YORK LONDON TORONTO SYDNEY TOKYO SINGAPOREĪll rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
